Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
