I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
