OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
