I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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