now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
