How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
