He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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