if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
