So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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