My room smells like vodka and shame
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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