you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
