YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
