My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
