I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
