Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i think my cat just said my name.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
