So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
