You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
