I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
