Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
