So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
