she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
