I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
