call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am available for nakedness
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