Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize