I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
