This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
