I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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