dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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