the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
