Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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