I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
