if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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