when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
