it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
