My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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