I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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