Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
