i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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