i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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