I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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