And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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