At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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