Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
