Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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