WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
