Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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