you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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