Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
