it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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