so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
