I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
