I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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