oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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