dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
